Motherhood - The Jewish Mother
The "Jewish Mother" is an archetype of a woman that her whole identity comes from being a mother and a wife. Her Motherhood is total, her children are first priority and her life has no meaning without her being a mother.
Some decades ago she was a symbol of the supreme mother, dedicated, supportive and defensive. She was the symbol of warmth and love. Nowadays, the Jewish mother becomes a symbol of an absurd and archaic type of a mother, one that treats you like a child when you are in your over 30's. Overprotective, nudge and manipulative. Becoming a bother as a result of her refusal to 'let go' of her children.
The story:
A woman in her 60's has 2 married children and 4 grandsons. She is very devoted to her family, and she literally 'Jumps for every call' - nothing is too difficult for her when it comes to her children and their families.
Although she is working in a high position as an accountant, she would not hesitate to leave work in the middle of the day if one of her grandsons got sick and her daughter needed help. The grandmother would also take some days off to do some babysitting for the children on breaks, or look after the children on Saturdays when their parents want some free time. She cares for their every need,entertains and cooks for them.
This woman is very much involved into her children's life, especially her daughter's life, and very convenient to all, since they all are used to having her attention, time and effort 'on call'.
BUT,
Since she is a very protective mother, she is also a nudge. Of course this is only for "their favor'. (She became an expert on Motherhood...)
From time to time, they resent her and tease her of being 'A Jewish Mother' and 'A Nudge'.
After all the effort she puts for them for so many years and her total devotion, she feels insulted and in a sense even betrayed.
The Question:
How they could be so thankless? What should I do to prevent those insults? How do I attract those insults when I only want to be a good mother, and they know and appreciate me for being a good mother?
Analysis:
Although she knows they are very appreciating her as a mother, still from time to time, they push her aside by saying "stop being such a Jewish Mother". So, when it is convenient for them, they use her, when it is not convenient they insult her.
They take her efforts as obvious. It is her "job" to fill all their needs. They used to see her mostly as a mother and not see her identity as a 'not-mother' woman.
Conclusion & Action:
As a mirror reflection, those children reflect the mother's meta-paradigm that "Motherhood is a supreme value", her life has no meaning without being a mother, and that mothering has no limits.
What she can learn from this is that she needs to be aware more of her needs as a person, to be able to separate herself and her identity from her adult children and to put some limits to her willingness to 'jump on every call'. She herself does not appreciate her own time, effort and resources when it comes to her children. (Nothing is too hard or too difficult for her).
They are reflecting her 'self-needs'-suppression' in terms of her own time, effort, attention and energy.
As I advised this woman an attitude change, meaning to take a step back from her deepest involvement in her children's life and not to be always available, she refused even to consider it. She strongly repeated the paradigm that to be a good mother is the most important thing in her life (and in the world), and she couldn't be anything else.
In my humble opinion, there is also the fear that if she "let go" of her total mother devotion, she will be left with a big hole, emptiness...
Anyway, this case study is an example of how the mirror reflection is one-to-one (in this case) reflecting ones attitude to himself (She puts herself last).
The next step is to choose whether to keep it and pay the price or to make a change.
In this case, this woman chose to keep things as they are.
I believe that the option to change this motherhood identity should come from an inner voice that calls you to set other priorities in your life and strive for personal fulfillment other than motherhood. This is not the case here.
Click the link below to YouTube to hear a sketch on Jewish mother. It is funny.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=q6To78DE_TY
